But Your Love.

A lament.

A Psalm of Ephraim.

To Egbue and James.

Father, my flaws are too great
How can I walk with You?
In one season, lust thunders at my door
In another, doubt grips my neck in the night
Guilt chokes my conscience
And worry makes my heart squeeze in fear

How can You still call me Your child?
When my spirit man starves
And my flesh thrives?

How can I even lift my eye towards You?
Can I even sing a note of praise to Your name?
How can I lift my head in the shame of my wrongs?

There is no pretending
I am no angel, no son of Yours.
Nor leader no shepherd.

Why do you still love me?
How do You still love me?
Can I really be Your son?

Time and time again
I fall from Your grace
Fall short of your glory
Again and again,
I show I am not worthy of You.

But Your love.
Gives me peace
Keeps me sane
Pushes me onwards to the finish line.
My only solace
Your love.

This is the psalm from the rock bottom of my heart. The darkest hour of my walk. Dare I say I felt like my walk didn’t exist anymore. I had sinned again. And this time I had affected my closest friends.

I only made my way out of that dark period because of His love. His love that loved and continues to love me unconditionally. Despite everything I have done. He loves you this way too despite your past. Just step into His warm embrace.

E.K.